Sometimes I Get Jealous....

Birthdays...Thanksgiving...Christmas

These are always really hard times of the year and YES, sometimes I get jealous. I know you're wondering "well what in the heck do you get jealous about." Well, it's simple...when I hear someone say, "I called my mom today" or "I'm going shopping with my mom" that makes me a little jealous. Simple everyday things you get to do with your mother makes me miss my mother even more.  

But, just because I get jealous for a split second doesn't mean I am not happy for my family and friends. It simply means you have something I long for. It means I miss my mom and it makes me sad when I am reminded that I will never have those moments with her again. Sometimes I think...man, life's really not fair. I am finally at the age where my mother is supposed to be my best friend, my go-to for anything, my sounding board, my shopping partner, constant contact, the glue to our family. But, instead it's just me and figuring that out is a learning process everyday.

I know I am not the only person experiencing these feelings which is why I decided to share. I think it's okay to have these feelings as it is part of life. It's part of the process.  It has been 7 years FRIDAY (I didn't realize this until now) since I lost my mother and the pain never seems to go away. Yes, life goes on and we figure out how to get through the years one day at a time but that definitely doesn't mean it gets easier....maybe we get numb...I don't know I haven't quite figured that one out yet. Just like I haven't quite figured out a closing to this blog. Maybe there is more to my story...maybe it doesn't end here. 

XOXO

Lashonda

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