Spousal Arguments: Sticks and Stones
Hey Everyone!!
After this blog I would really like to hear from you regarding the topic I am about to discuss. I would love to hear YOUR opinions and get your feedback.
Lately I have had something on my heart. I have had conversations with other people as well as my husband about "Arguing with your spouse." What's the "right way" to argue?
Well, everyone argues very differently and that's fine because no 2 people are exactly the same. What I have learned is that there is no right way to argue but there is a RESPECTFUL way to argue and communicate with your significant other. Sometimes we women get very upset and go directly for the jugular "You suck, I don't need you, I make more money, you're stupid, you do nothing for this family, I have more degrees than you...etc." But every time you demean, demoralize, disrespect, cut down, or make your husband feel less than a man what is that really doing to your relationship? What is that doing to your marriage? A wall can be destroyed brick by brick....so can a marriage insult by insult.
If you noticed, in my title I used part of the old saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." I cannot tell you how many times I said those exact words as a kid...but now that I am older I know WORDS DO HURT! What else hurts is to see someone male or female be talked to in a disrespectful way in a relationship. Everything they do is wrong...nothing is ever right. This happens a lot during stressful times when each person feels like they are carrying a significant amount of weight on their shoulders. I am a strong believer in whatever the problem is...whatever the disagreement is it can be addressed without me calling you out of your name or hitting below the belt. Both women and men are guilty of it.
Don't get me wrong I know there are women and men out there who go through worse abuse everyday but that is not what I am talking about in this column. I am talking about a relationship...a marriage...that should be equally yoked...a relationship where husband and wife are giving everything they possibly can at this point, and an argument happens.
As a woman and as a wife I find myself talking to the women because I want us to be aware. I want us to have successful marriages and be the wives we were ordained to be. Also, this is the only perspective I can speak from. Sometimes a SMART and STRONG woman will throw those insults out so fast and think nothing of it. She never expects a man to say them back and when he does throw them back she is shocked, angry, offended, hurt, and in some cases ready to walk-out. How is that fair in marriage you ask? One thing I have seen is that men won't stick around too long to figure it out...you can only beat something or someone down for so long. Eventually they get fed up and leave or someone comes along and shows them how it's done.
I am a strong woman, my parents taught me to be that way...THERE IS NO OTHER WAY for me. But I also learned that respect will take you further in life...further in your marriage. My husband and I are a family and we are in this together. I never hit below the belt in a disagreement because as his wife I want my husband to know that whatever the situation is I still respect him. When you break someone down and you slowly kill their spirit you also kill their love for you and their will to fight for you. It makes the relationship weak and vulnerable and easier for someone else to sneak in. What I am saying is respect your husband/significant other and protect your relationship because there is always someone out there who would love to have what you have...and yes that includes your husband. Humble yourself and always allow your man to feel like a MAN. Never take that away from him.
**Never allow someone to use and abuse you. Never stay in a relationship where violence is involved. If you ever have to choose...ALWAYS choose YOU because that's choosing LIFE**
xoxo
Toodles!!!
COCOTIQUE box is in the mail and should be here by the end of the week. Yaay!
After this blog I would really like to hear from you regarding the topic I am about to discuss. I would love to hear YOUR opinions and get your feedback.
Lately I have had something on my heart. I have had conversations with other people as well as my husband about "Arguing with your spouse." What's the "right way" to argue?
Well, everyone argues very differently and that's fine because no 2 people are exactly the same. What I have learned is that there is no right way to argue but there is a RESPECTFUL way to argue and communicate with your significant other. Sometimes we women get very upset and go directly for the jugular "You suck, I don't need you, I make more money, you're stupid, you do nothing for this family, I have more degrees than you...etc." But every time you demean, demoralize, disrespect, cut down, or make your husband feel less than a man what is that really doing to your relationship? What is that doing to your marriage? A wall can be destroyed brick by brick....so can a marriage insult by insult.
If you noticed, in my title I used part of the old saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." I cannot tell you how many times I said those exact words as a kid...but now that I am older I know WORDS DO HURT! What else hurts is to see someone male or female be talked to in a disrespectful way in a relationship. Everything they do is wrong...nothing is ever right. This happens a lot during stressful times when each person feels like they are carrying a significant amount of weight on their shoulders. I am a strong believer in whatever the problem is...whatever the disagreement is it can be addressed without me calling you out of your name or hitting below the belt. Both women and men are guilty of it.
Don't get me wrong I know there are women and men out there who go through worse abuse everyday but that is not what I am talking about in this column. I am talking about a relationship...a marriage...that should be equally yoked...a relationship where husband and wife are giving everything they possibly can at this point, and an argument happens.
As a woman and as a wife I find myself talking to the women because I want us to be aware. I want us to have successful marriages and be the wives we were ordained to be. Also, this is the only perspective I can speak from. Sometimes a SMART and STRONG woman will throw those insults out so fast and think nothing of it. She never expects a man to say them back and when he does throw them back she is shocked, angry, offended, hurt, and in some cases ready to walk-out. How is that fair in marriage you ask? One thing I have seen is that men won't stick around too long to figure it out...you can only beat something or someone down for so long. Eventually they get fed up and leave or someone comes along and shows them how it's done.
I am a strong woman, my parents taught me to be that way...THERE IS NO OTHER WAY for me. But I also learned that respect will take you further in life...further in your marriage. My husband and I are a family and we are in this together. I never hit below the belt in a disagreement because as his wife I want my husband to know that whatever the situation is I still respect him. When you break someone down and you slowly kill their spirit you also kill their love for you and their will to fight for you. It makes the relationship weak and vulnerable and easier for someone else to sneak in. What I am saying is respect your husband/significant other and protect your relationship because there is always someone out there who would love to have what you have...and yes that includes your husband. Humble yourself and always allow your man to feel like a MAN. Never take that away from him.
**Never allow someone to use and abuse you. Never stay in a relationship where violence is involved. If you ever have to choose...ALWAYS choose YOU because that's choosing LIFE**
xoxo
Toodles!!!
COCOTIQUE box is in the mail and should be here by the end of the week. Yaay!
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