Check on the Strong Ones
Last week I came across a meme that stated something along the lines of "check on your strong friends." It's crazy because I immediately thought about myself. I don't naturally share what's going on in my life with people. Often times I think I am handling it (along with everyone else's problems)...until I am not. One major lesson I learned over the last year is not to get involved in other people's drama. At the end of the day I am the one stressed and the next week they're out here LIVING and doing the same things they were just complaining to me about! lol But I am getting off subject. So back to checking on your strong friends...
Over the last year my home life has been absolutely amazing. I have the best husband in the world. But let's face it my work life has been causing me sooo much stress and only a handful of people were aware of this. Only a handful of people were aware that I started having anxiety attacks at work and started medication to deal with it (hence my inability to lose these 15 pounds). For a while I couldn't understand why everything was going so right at home but so wrong at work. The attacks were only happening at work. During the time that my anxiety attacks started we'd lost over half of our staff at work. I'd been trying to switch departments/positions for a while and nothing seemed to work. I am not a person that likes complacency. I felt stagnate. One day I was SO busy covering 2 case loads. My work phone wouldn't quit ringing and everything with everyone seemed to be going wrong. I nearly ran a stop sign with a client in the car with me. This is when the attacks started. This is when I realized life was moving too fast. That evening I went home feeling completely beat down and overwhelmed. I thought "let me just look at this phone and see how many times it rang." My work phone had rang 50 times in ONE day!!
I talked to Emanuel and we agreed I should see a doctor, I started yoga back religiously, and did some self assessing. I quickly realized it wasn't the work that was causing my anxiety I'd done this job for nearly 5 years. It was a combination of not wanting to do it anymore, burnout, disappointment, and my NEED to still be PERFECT. My need to still solve all the problems, answer every phone call, and save every life even though double the lives were calling. I'd been told several times before that I am a perfectionist and for me that had always been a good thing...until it wasn't.
After several vacations, some self-care, and another big slap in the face I realized I needed to take my life back because this job wasn't going to kill me. If I have to take pills everyday just to go to work...then work isn't worth it anymore.
I am happy to say that I am no longer on anxiety medication, haven't had an anxiety attack in months, and will be starting a new job in less than 1 month. I will be moving to San Antonio to do it but that's okay by me. God is placing Emanuel and I right where we need to be. We are having to make sacrifices again as we do every time things start to shift in our lives and God is setting us up for something greater. Wherever He leads I will follow.
I say all of this to say check on your STRONG friends sometimes...sometimes we have it all together but sometimes we don't. Sometimes we may say we are fine...even when we are not.
XOXO
Lashonda Hollins
Over the last year my home life has been absolutely amazing. I have the best husband in the world. But let's face it my work life has been causing me sooo much stress and only a handful of people were aware of this. Only a handful of people were aware that I started having anxiety attacks at work and started medication to deal with it (hence my inability to lose these 15 pounds). For a while I couldn't understand why everything was going so right at home but so wrong at work. The attacks were only happening at work. During the time that my anxiety attacks started we'd lost over half of our staff at work. I'd been trying to switch departments/positions for a while and nothing seemed to work. I am not a person that likes complacency. I felt stagnate. One day I was SO busy covering 2 case loads. My work phone wouldn't quit ringing and everything with everyone seemed to be going wrong. I nearly ran a stop sign with a client in the car with me. This is when the attacks started. This is when I realized life was moving too fast. That evening I went home feeling completely beat down and overwhelmed. I thought "let me just look at this phone and see how many times it rang." My work phone had rang 50 times in ONE day!!
I talked to Emanuel and we agreed I should see a doctor, I started yoga back religiously, and did some self assessing. I quickly realized it wasn't the work that was causing my anxiety I'd done this job for nearly 5 years. It was a combination of not wanting to do it anymore, burnout, disappointment, and my NEED to still be PERFECT. My need to still solve all the problems, answer every phone call, and save every life even though double the lives were calling. I'd been told several times before that I am a perfectionist and for me that had always been a good thing...until it wasn't.
After several vacations, some self-care, and another big slap in the face I realized I needed to take my life back because this job wasn't going to kill me. If I have to take pills everyday just to go to work...then work isn't worth it anymore.
I am happy to say that I am no longer on anxiety medication, haven't had an anxiety attack in months, and will be starting a new job in less than 1 month. I will be moving to San Antonio to do it but that's okay by me. God is placing Emanuel and I right where we need to be. We are having to make sacrifices again as we do every time things start to shift in our lives and God is setting us up for something greater. Wherever He leads I will follow.
I say all of this to say check on your STRONG friends sometimes...sometimes we have it all together but sometimes we don't. Sometimes we may say we are fine...even when we are not.
XOXO
Lashonda Hollins
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